Just with more cynical lifecrit, and less art…
http://cynicsmanifesto.blogspot.com/

I don’t know… It’s all a bit of a mystery!

This is me, testing writing a post from the Jesus phone…

So then… after what has been a not too shabby week, we were planning to get out of town for the weekend and go up to Sacha’s dad’s boat. It’s usually a good plan to go up there in good weather, because being on water is a cold old business, but going up there, light the woodburner, get some grub on the go, sit out on deck with a blanket, a bottle of something nice and look at the stars.

And this is what was welcoming us this morning… shot from the living room window over the ’step in time view’ we have… hmmm… might think about swapping that bottle of something nice for a thermos of tea and break out the hot water bottles.

Fun.

It’s quarter to seven, Tuesday 31st of March 2009, and we’ve run out of coffee.

This is bad.

Picture the scene: a long and frankly insane day at work. Once the office is shut up, the lab closed down for the night. Pub, warm flat beer, salt and vinegar crisps.

Nice.

No… well I don’t anyway. You all know me by now… I don’t beleive anything I see on the commercial channels on the gogglebox; but this one really takes to cocking biscuit.

Vanish Colour Magnets.

I mean… please. Who believes this shit? According to the advert, when you use these things with your regular detergent, it traps colours the colours that are washing out of your clothes and keeps them locked tight in this… thing.

Bullshit. I’m sure there’s going to be something roughly scientific in the making, but I seriously doubt it. Don’t buy it. In fact, don’t buy anything you see on the TV. It’s all lies I tell you. LIES!

End.

So… yes. Indeed. It’s been a fair while since I made a post to this site. Again, gentle readers (the few of you that there are) – apologies for that. In an attempt to keep you readers happy, I’m making a habit of trying to get at least a post a week in from this day onward. This is in no way a new years resolution – I don’t think that this depressing time of year is a good time to try and do anything – but it’s something that I want to try and do at the very least.

Well… I moved house three weeks ago. Moved in with my lover Sacha. The flat was a little lacking in love, and I think we’ve given it some. A splash of paint, some art on the walls and the addition ofsome heating means this little flat in a nice part of town is something rather special. My personal favourit room so far is the living room, which is painted a rather splendid shade of red. No too dissimilar to the red of the header of this blog.

It’s funny how time vanishes when you’re having fun. Living here, working hard and generally being well all means that the old things goes out the window a touch. I’ve never been very good in keeping in contact with old friends, and this year is proving no exception. I keep intending on phoning people that are overseas now I have the internet installed – a fun and painful experience that I shall keep for another day; let’s just say that I’m not too over enamoured with Virgin Media’s customer service. But it’s in now, and I have a Skype subscription. Hell… perhaps it’s a good idea to use it.

In other news, it’s only a few days now until the rents are finally moving to France. Yes, it’s true. After what seems like years of talking, shuffling and generally pointing in the direction of South, they’re off. The house is packed up, the removal men are coming this Friday. I can see that the weekend – which I am spending mostly alone because Sacha is working – is going to be a touch emotional. Still, they’re coming round in the evening for tea. I don’t know what I’m going to cook them; perhaps beans on toast or something like that.

Right… I’d write some more, but I’ve got things to be getting on with! And I’ve got to go and get her ladyship from work… see you all later chaps.

Well then… here we are people. In that dead time between xmas and new year where, technically, the world should return to normal, where all these days are just honest normal working days, but in reality this turns into ’sorry, they’re out of the office until (insert whenever here).

So, in honour of this… I thought I’d round up some of the stuff that’s been going on in HLoFLand in the last 12 months.

As Dylan Thomas wrote: to begin, at the beginning.

January seems like such a long time ago. Another country, frankly. I was working in the Big Box, selling stuff to people who thought they had lots of spare cash to throw about. Every Friday  – Monday, I would don the suite of corporate whorebaggry and give some honest to god customer service. In the other times I was working on Liv Kinky… you know, that card thing I’ve been doing for months and months (let’s make that years actually) and planning to actually move into production and hardcore sales… moving into premises – which we did, but more of that later – and that was going to be the life of the HLoF

February… March, April etc.
Yes… John Lewis. Customer Service. Corporate Whorebaggery, blah etc. Same… I’m sure lots of things really happened in this period, but I’m sure it’s not that interesting. We moved into Spike Island on the Cumberland Road, Bristol. We had a double desk in the centre of the office, and it was all very serious. We did things, had meetings, did design… lots of design actually! I think we did some good designs… and there was new designs and creativity flying about the place like it was going out of fashion. It’s just a shame that the other people in that place weren’t as excited about it as us. In one of those general meetings where everyone has a sit down and does a ‘what we’re up to this month’ we all went round the table… it was all Oooohs, and Asaaahs as person by person did this this and the other to try and out do themselves with better graphic design. Most of which was fine, but nothing to write home about, set the world on fire, or insert cliché of choice here. Then they got to us and our card designs. Some silence. Some stifled laughter.
Confidence knocked.
We left the room… left the office for a few hours, didn’t really want to go back. Bastards.
We did go back, later, when most people had left and grabbed things and buggered off. Perhaps this should have been a sign of things to come? Who knows. Rose tinted retrospect-O-vision is a wonderful thing, in hindsight.

The thing about a combined workspace where there’s lots of pretentious self important wankers, working in a similar field – albeit all very different schools and styles – there’s always going to be hard for the people that have nothing but gut instinct, no formal training in design other that what they’ve picked up from places along the way, and a basic understanding of something looks good like this because of… that… it’s hard for them to be accepted into that realm. There are a couple of people in there that were alright… some truly atrocious characters that managed to be human; just. Mr. Grumpy, I’m talking about you there. Honestly, could you be more of a stuck-up, self important prick if you tried. Get some fucking basic manners going on there, and you’ll start to be able work in a social environment with more success.

Once the PR man moved in to the space next to us, I think that was the final nail in the coffin. The idea behind Spike Island is that it’s a creative workspace for designers and the ilk. I don’t see how a man working for a London based PR company fits into that bracket: oh yes I can… sorry… my mistake. The place has lots of empty seats. He can pay the rent. He’s in damn it. Start with an idea and an intention for a community based around a principle, then sell the leftovers to whoever you can prise the money from.
There’s a word for that. I think it’s hypocrisy.

Moving on! May, June, July…

And so we plugged on, doing the thing. I worked in John Lewis. I was working seven days a week… well… I say working. I was growing so pissed off at going to Spike Island every day, I was secretly taking my revenge by borrowing bandwidth and torrenting like it was going out of business. Managed to grab lots of good things before I got a few group emails coming through about how the internet was really slow, and what was the company going to do about it? HA!

Plus, being the geek I am, I’d put some useful little distractions in the way for the IT guys so they knew that it was coming into the room… but where? Nobody could find out. Do you know how to change your MAC address and throw out false IP addresses? I do. It’s amazing what the internet can teach you in afternoon if you’re willing to put in the time and the brainwork.

It was about Mid June that two distinct things started to change in life though.

1: I was starting to feel the impending doom of my 30th birthday

2: I’d seen a girl in work.

3: I’d heard about a new job possibility.

July: The Detail.

So… what with trying to dress more youthfully, giving up smoking, reading the NME and generally acting like a tit in trainers, I turned 30. Again, in hindsight… I’d like to say; big fucking deal… but at the time it was all very odd. 30. Didn’t people know what it was all about by the time they were 30? Unlikely for some, but for others, it was all planned. House, mortgage, children, blah. Fucking none of that here. Living at home again, parents more confuses about who and where they are than I… funs.

Anyway. The 30th came and went easily enough. Invited some people out, some came, it was a bit of a wash out in all honesty. I was very glad of the company I had though… I got horridly drunk, I didn’t care, and I paid for it the next day, as we always do. Frankly, I didn’t feel right for about a week afterwards.

Turning 30 really bothered me at the time, but it’s not that bad really. Turning 30 and being single and living with the rents was a touch depressing, but hell… that’s all in the history now.

August / September

And things changed again. The card company moved out of Spike Island… due to personal and financial situations changing or just being too crazy it was time to leave. It was a Friday… a warm Friday, but if I recall, there was a bite in the air, and there may have been some rain. I know we waited there until the very last person had gone home, using the excuse of working late as cover, we did everything we had to. Packed everything into boxes quickly and efficiently. Within an hour, it was as if we’d never arrived five months earlier. The following day, there were no emails asking about our whereabouts. Obviously, the request to the office manager to keep our leaving on the quiet didn’t work. The offering of our desks to new prospective renters in the middle of the day was something of a give-away. Professional? I think not. Again, looking through my rose tinted Retrospect-O-Vision specks, the whole place is a bit of a joke.

John Lewis rolled along in it’s usual way. New management was starting to shake things up and piss people off. I was one of them, but on the quiet I was plotting my exit. I’d known for a few months that my old college was moving it’s photography department to the newer campus in North Bristol. I knew also that the old technician had gone back on his travels and freelancing… I knew all the old staff, and although there were a few things going on with staffing issues, a new technician was needed badly to keep the place running. Keeping a hand in it always good. It’s also really good when the college calls you up and asks you if you’d like to apply for the position.

Mind you… in the mean time, something more interesting, exciting and wonderful was going on.
Her name was Sacha. It was another John Lewis partner who got the ball rolling… Janet came to me one morning and asked how old I was. I though this was a pretty odd question. I asked why? Someone asked… a younger female member of staff. Who? Can’t say… sworn to secrecy.

WHO?

Sacha. Sweet.

I’m not going into details… one date happened – anther date happened.
A few more dates… and now, four months down the line, we’re together. We love each other very much. I love her in ways that I cannot find the words for. She makes me feel alive, and it’s exciting. I bring some order. She brings some chaos. Together there’s a great balance. Call it what you want, but I think she’s the one you know gentle readers.

Head-hunted. How cool is that? First interview was tough stuff… a minor grilling with the head of dept. The main Media Services honcho, and my old lecturer from my photo course. Got short-listed to six. Then it was down to two. Another interview, with practical tasks. Lighting, Photoshop, AV set-ups… Then on Friday I got the call. The job was mine if I wanted it.

Sweet.

Two weeks later I was out of John Lewis. I wrote a very nice letter to my manager, who took me to one side and said (and this I believe to be genuine) said he was very sad to hear the news that I was resigning my position, but understood that retail wasn’t what I was destined for. On the 4th of October, I would meet him at the door and hand in my badge. That was it.
I met Sacha at a local bar, along with her sister Shelly, and some colleagues from JL’s… it was a good night. Most people buggered off early… but Sacha, Shelly and I kept going. got very drunk, tried to get into a burger joint for food… got turned away. Spent lots of money getting back to her house.

October  / November / December.

And so the end of the year is in sight. Thank you for staying with me, gentle reader.

Working on the Gulag (till banks of John Lewis) seemed like a long time ago. Working for the college is so much better. I work with two great people (Mel and Oli) in the small team I’m in. The whole dept is good. It’s hard work… don’t get me wrong, but it’s a great job. Yes, there are days where it’s stressful, and sometimes people (students and staff) will piss me off, but over all, it was a good move there. At least now there’s someone to look after the darkrooms, the colour processing machine… it’s all gravy.

More importantly though… there’s Sacha. We’ve a couple of interesting patches. We’ve worked it out. We’re moving in together in the new year. Don’t know where yet, but this is going to happen. We’re very … very … very good together. It’s hot. I love it. I love her.

So… to end at the end. But it’s not the end… 2009 is a new year. New challenges. No doubt there will be drama, heartache, changes, fun, excitement, laughter, sex, drugs and rock and roll, peace and fucking. This is where I’ve come from in the space of a year. I feel good about this new year. A year for creativity… expression of feelings and emotions in ways that I’ve not done before. True, I’ve neglected some people… I have been crap at keeping in touch with people – that’s a character trait that’s very old. For those of you that read this… you know what I mean. when did I last talk to you?

Exactly.

I hope all of you have a wonderful 2009. May it bring you all the things you want, all the things you need…

HLoF / Phjil
2008

Following some nasty rumours, I’d like to warm the cockles of all that care / are interested, and tell you that I’m very much still here on planet Earth; I’ve just been a little quiet latley…

Very tired.

I’ve been, er… working a lot… yeah.